| Infections SUCK |
[May. 3rd, 2006|10:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
I decided to start updating again. It has been too long. I have missed this whole live journal thing and i was going to create a new, but i decided against it. Too much work! School is coming to an end and i have so many fun plans for this summer. however, I was thinking about taking the first five week course at suffolk.. i still don't know if that is a good idea, but it would only go until the end of June.. Should i ?? Should i not? I need to decide pretty soon.
Any who.. things have been good lately, REALLY good. I have learned so much in the past couple of weeks, like who my true friends are, and that Josh probably never really loved me. It is good that i can say that though. What ever. I will live my life.. BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN IN A WOMAN'S WORLD! So there.
Work still sucks, i am back at the hell hole, TFCU! I went for another position and it could be possible that i am going to get it. We are opening up so many new branches that we need all the help we can get.. SO if you are home for the summer and don't want to work more than 3 days a week and want to make about 500 dollars bi-weekly.. this might be the job for you. We hire temps.. apply! Keep me company. Well That is about all i have for you tonight folks.. I will update again soon. |
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[Nov. 5th, 2005|12:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
I have come to the realization that Josh is a complete DICK head! I deserve better! ( wow did i really say that? )
That's all.
O wait, and that No bake cheese cake is mmmm soo good! =)
NIGHT |
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| Cars make people happy ! |
[Nov. 2nd, 2005|10:11 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | All of the happy moods look the same! | ] |
Today i'm getting my car! I am so excited. I haven't even seen it yet. I really don't care what it looks like it is a CAR! YES!!! My dad also paid my insurance for the entire year! I am going to pay him back though. It is only 2400 dollars, not too bad considering Russell pays double. Ouch. Tomorrow i start at the TFCU again, yup i got my old job back... GREAT! I can't wait to start getting money. Ahhh it is going to feel so good to get pay checks. I wanted to work with Sa T in the Farmingville branch, but i was put in Holbrook, which is okay b/c it is new and nice! =) Hopefully i get transfered though. I also got offered a job at Godiva choc. again. Do i take it? Maybe just for the season. I mean what else do i have to do right now. It would be nice gas money. I am happy things are coming together, although Josh exsiting still upsets me. He needs to be gone! It is time to meet someone NEW! Someone who CARES! Is that impossible? Anyway, I'm going to go get my CAR!! YAY. Wish me luck with this one. |
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| Oh My G' |
[Nov. 1st, 2005|12:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thankful | ] |
I can't believe it is November... WTF ? Time is going way too fast for me. I really wanted to be in sunny California for this season, but oh well. You can't always get what you want. Hopefully i will move back there one day and stay longer than 3 months. Yea, maybe..
So it has been about a week since i have been home, and i haven't spoken to him once. Yet still he is driving me absolutely crazy.I just can't believe the whole thing happened. I try everyday to be optomistic about being home, but it has failed to work yet. I just feel like i failed myself. I wanted to be there so bad, and i let someone influence me to come home! How can i be so weak? Now I get a chance to do it all again, but the right way. I need to look in to a University, or some kind of 4 year college and then go away. It won't be as difficult that way.
Anyway, I decided to live with my Dad. I need structure in my life. I feel like i should be in a family orianted house. Don't get me wrong i LOVE my MOM more than anything, but it has never been family like. I feel like my mom and i are more friends than family sometimes. I know that nothing could replace the relationship i have with her, so moving in with my dad isn't a bad thing.. She will always love me.
Okay one last thing.... Today i was on my way out to the Halloween Parade with Russseelll and Joyce ( which was so much fun!) and my Dad and Step-mom (cindy) take me into the "backroom" and talk to me. My Dad started out by telling me i need structure and i need to live by a schedule, and keep my room clean.. blah blah.. all very true, but I need to do it, i don't need anyone to do it for me. Then he gets up like that was all, and my Step mom is like " Where are you going?" He said " You want to tell her?" So then she goes on about how life is hard, especially when you don't have transportation, so Dad and i decided to help you out and buy you a car. I really thought i was going to DIE! I didn't expect it at all. If anything i thought if i was well behaved i might get one for my Birthday, but .. i doubted that would happen. It is so nice... i am so excited. It is a used Chevy Malibu... 2000. It has a CD player!! That is the most important part.. I haven't been this happy in a while. YAY. Well i guess that is about all for now. |
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[Oct. 25th, 2005|12:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
I failed... Or as everyone else says.. " It was just a life experience and you are brave for coming home" Right... I would have been brave staying... Well, now you all know. I am home. The End |
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| Back to California |
[Oct. 20th, 2005|01:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none... =( | ] |
Well i am back, i'm not sure how long i will be back. I am now in "testing mode". I am testing out California, to see if it is for me. Josh and i are taking a break from eachother so i can find out who i am and where i want to be. It is a good thing, however it is not EASY. I know that i have been so hurt by him, and that many of you think that he isn't worth the pain. No one knows him like i do though. I know that because he has never opened up to anyone before me. I feel absolutely heart broken. I want to remain friends with him. He is a good person. Am i crazy for feeling that way? It is possible to be friends with someone who is an ex? I think it is, now i have to prove it to myself. I also need to get out there and meet other people. I need to have other experiences. So hopefully that will be my next step. I did get a job, so that is a happy thing. I am so close to having an apartment... Hopefully all goes as planned. We will see. It is time for me to be me. I am excited about this change, but at the same time i feel alone and scared. Is that okay? Who knows. This week has been really hard... but to end on a good note.......... I met Idina! hehehe. Bye! |
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| Life... will get better |
[Oct. 12th, 2005|06:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Fan... yay | ] |
I haven't updated in a while, and well, a lot has gone wrong in the past couple of days. I would explain, but i honestly don't feel like it. I know things will get better. One day at a time, that is all i can handle. I hope i get a job soon. I had a second interview with Wells Fargo today, it went well, but i think they need Tuesday& Thursday, and i'm not available. Well, i will just have to wait and see. In the mean time, i have applied to thousands of other places, and i have another interview next Thursday. So by the end of the month i should have a job. YEA.
Anywho, i am on my way home tomorrow. 3:45 i depart long beach and i arrive at 11:59 at JFK! I am so excited. I can't wait to see everyone. I need some laughs, it will make me feel so much better to see Russeellll! lol. I miss him making me laugh. Well now i'm going to go check out a new apt. and buy russ an In and Out burger... yay. See you all SOON! |
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| YAY |
[Oct. 6th, 2005|02:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
So.. today i did something VERY exciting... I bought a plane ticket home. I am coming home Oct. 13th - 18th!!!! It is only five days, so i better make it good! I already know that i am spending a night at David's dorm, and seeing Idina's new off broadway show "See What I Wanna See" YAY! But my favorite thing i have planned is spending time in the piano room with chris and david and hopefully Russeeeelllll, at NYU! =) It couldn't be more perfectly planned. I arrive at JFK at Midnight on the 13th, and i will be spending most of the day with my mom on Friday, and then i think i will see Jane Eyre.. aka. Brianne steal the stage...can't wait. There are just so many exciting things to do! I was looking forward to seeing S.T ... but i don't think she wants to see me, but i guess that is alright. We all have our opinions and flaws. Whatever happens, was supposed to happen. I really need this trip home, a little refreshing, then back to school. I do love school though, it is everything i wanted it to be. I am actually going to my classes, and doing really well. It is nice not to have any distractions. I love concentration...sometimes.
On another note ,i had a conversation today with someone.. obviously, who shall remain nameless. I just need so advice and opinions. This person told me that they didn't know why they were friends with me. They have been doing a lot better since i have moved away, and doesn't really want to keep in touch anymore. This persons reasoning was b/c i am dramatic about everything, and that they don't agree with my moving 3000 miles away from home. They think that it was all for Josh. Well let me explain this. Josh and I are wonderful friends, we share a relationship that i adore. I have wanted to move and get out of NY for a while now. How am i supposed to know if i like long island, if i haven't experienced living anywhere else? What if there is something better out there for me? I made my first move to California because i found it was comfortable. I know someone out here. Who happens to be Josh. I moved out here for my self, no one else. I am only 18 years old, i have my whole life ahead of me. Do you really think that i am going to stay here forever? I'm sure i will want to experience living somewhere else soon enough. I am going to live where ever life takes me, that is just who i am. So I don't think i made any wrong decisions, i am happy. I do however miss my friends dearly. I couldn't have expressed that enough when i left. I miss YOU ALL!!! EVERYONE!! I wish the feelings were mutual. I am very sorry that i disapointed you. I thought friends are friends no matter what. This un-named person also said something that hurt me dearly. They said, " As soon as you left everyone asked me why i was friends with you? Why i dealt with everything you put me through?" I didn't know i was a burden on your life. I apologize to anyone who feels this way about me. I know that i am a good person, and if you want to be my friend, be my friend all the time not part-time. I know i have my flaws, but who doesn't? We are all growing up.. some of us slower than others, things happen everyday, but true friends last forever.
I feel kind of tired... i've had enough. But i want to end this on a good note so.... I'M COMING HOME!! YAY! The End. |
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| John is a NASTY pig. |
[Sep. 30th, 2005|08:19 pm] |
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Today, i have decided to write about this whole thing. John, as many of you know, cheated on my mom. Not only did this man cheat, he is a pig. He screwed everyone in sight, including someone you might know, Chris Schmidt's mom. Yup, and she is married , too. It is gross. He claimed that he had stopped doing this, but no... he was then screwing men. Maybe he didn't consider that cheating. Not only is he a cheater, he is violent. In my eyes this man, who i hate to call a human being, deserves to live alone miserably for the rest of his life. I can't stand what he did and i never have felt such hatred for anyone else. I kind of feel like these feelings that i have toward him are so terrible that i'm doing something wrong for even feeling this way. I just hate him. He called Josh today and told him to tell me to stop talking about him. It isn't making things any better. I'm sorry, but why am i supposed to care about what that fuck has to say? Some one please inform me. Josh's mom ( great old Tammy) has been talking to him, and this is where he hears it all from. She is messed up. He did the same things to her, and she is talking to him. Apparently God wants her to be forgiving and talk to him. It makes no sense to me. I would never talk to someone who hurt me that much, it isn't right. Well, you see this is why i moved away, and it is following me. You can't run away from problems.. they will follow. I do love Cali though, so i'm not disapointed. I just have to keep believing in my heart that he is gross and there is something obviously wrong with him, not me. The End.. i need to walk this off... |
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[Sep. 28th, 2005|01:24 am] |
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Ahh today was so nice, and peaceful! I'm starting to REALLY enjoy Cali! But i miss all of you, come on i'm making the effort to update.. send me some love, and i'll tell you what i miss most about you! Love you guys!! |
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| I miss my car! |
[Sep. 22nd, 2005|10:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
It has been about a month and a week now since i have been in california, and my car was supposed to be here by now.. but it's not! God. How long can it take? I need it so badly. I took the bus to school this morning, it wasn't all that fun. I have class at 11, and in order to get here on time i needed to leave at 9:18, when my school is only 10 mins away. O well, thats life i guess. I am finally completing my move. I ordered some furniture on line for my place, i can't wait till it gets here! I am almost all settled. Ahh. School is going so well, except i'm having a difficult time with philosophy. I'm not sure why, it seems so simple, but yet i can't seem to understand certain things... i don't know. Last night i had to write my 1st paper, and if it wasn't for josh i don't know what i would have done. He was so helpful, he really impressed me. I think i am going to have to stop procrastinating so much. haha. Yea right. Well kids it is getting to be that time... i've got to go to class... I miss you all!! |
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[Sep. 19th, 2005|10:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
No one loves me... |
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[Sep. 16th, 2005|02:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Michael Buble | ] |
It has been too long since i have done this whole Live Journal thing.. Now that i am away from everyone, i thought it would be cool to get back into it. I love California, if anyone was wondering. It is gorgeous. The weather.. The people.. The mountains.. The city of Irvine. I wish i fit in. lol. Irvine is so f-in rich. Everyone drives a Lexus, BMW, Jaguar, Mercedes... and then there is val who will soon be driving in her old shitty beaten up mini-van. It is going to be just FAB! Can't Wait... everyone will know me as the poor girl who can't drive. It is wonderful.
There has been a bit of a delay getting settled in Cali. I have been staying with Josh's mom in Corona, b/c at 1st i couldn't find an apt. So i was on the search. I finally found one, with such a wonderful woman, denise, who is a nurse or something and i love her. So i figuerd i would move in as soon as my car arrived in good old california. Well, things definitely didn't work as planned. My car still has NOT left New York. The car shipping company ripped me (well my dad) off. Asshole mother fucking dyke's! ( sorry it is frustrating.) So i haven't moved in yet. Staying with Josh's mom was okay in the begining ... it is getting old fast. I didn't move 3000 miles away to live with another mom. I want to be on my own! You know? Not to mention, i would really like to make some musical friends, so i can sing and do shows and keep myself busy. I hate lazy people ! I can do the whole watch Television once in a while... but not EVERY hour!! Please, lets go for a walk, a run, shopping, something!!! PLEASE
I spoke to my mom last night and she ordered me a bed, and really that is all i need right now to move in, i have my clothes and shoes... all i would need to buy is sheets and towels.. but i can do that.. REALLY I CAN! So it is being delivered on Tuesday, and i am SOOO excited. I am moving in for sure. Nothing can stop me know... I'm flying high. Hopefully this will allow me to get situated and make some friends. O please God.
I LOVE SCHOOL this semester! I am having a little trouble in Philosophy, so if any one is willing to phone tutor me, it would be FAB! I am taking Sociology of Sex & Gender, it is wonderful. So interesting. Well, i think this is about enough for now, i'm sure i will update again soon! Leave me some love!! I miss you all NEW YORK PPL !! Chris,Russellll, Cassie, Andrew, RY MAKE, Bri(pook),Ashley Straw... o it is making me so sad. I better stop while i'm ahead. Love you GUYS!!
BTW.. Josh flushed his cell phone down the toilet today! HAHAH |
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| Omg.. Live journal exsists.. |
[Jun. 3rd, 2005|12:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sprinklers | ] |
It has been so long. I totally forgot about this whole live journal thing. I'm going to Cali in 17 days. I'm so excited!! I work at coldstone now as a second job type thingy. It is fun! Well What has everyone been up to ?? |
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| um....yea |
[Jan. 7th, 2005|01:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
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| I'm alive! |
[Dec. 21st, 2004|01:16 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
It has been so long since i have updated, well life is so good! I got a new laptop, wonderful friends, a new tatoo (b/c im 18), im going away in 14 days, Christmas is soon and school is over for a month! YES! How have all of you been?? |
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[Oct. 6th, 2004|05:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  guilty | ] |
May you rest in peace. I hope that you are no longer in pain, i'm so sorry for all of those times that i didn't get you the mail or assist you with whatever it was you needed. I hope you are with grandma, tell her i said hi. I love you. You are always with us. |
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| Another day at suffolk |
[Sep. 22nd, 2004|10:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
Today is going to go by sooo very slowly. I can't take it anymore. I really don't want to be in my math class. I HATE IT. So on the way to school this morning my mom was a bitch... and i really hate it when she acts this way. I told her i was planning on dropping math.. or finding a different time. I dont want to be here until 8:30 and sit in a class that is terrible. My professor SUCKS! He is absolutely terrible. I swear that they took him off the street and said " hey teach this class and we will pay you with food." I need to get out. So my plan is to go to the Registar today and withdraw... i can't do it anymore.
Done for now.... |
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| hehe |
[Sep. 15th, 2004|08:17 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
So it is 8:17 and usually i have class at 9 and i usually go, but i don't have a book that i needed yet... so unfortunatly im not going to go. I did call the professor and i gave him a valid excuse.. so i don't feel as bad! hehe Now i get to spend the day with Sarah! yay ... i think i am going to go so i can start walking to her house!
Byeeee for now |
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| Respect is all i want!! |
[Sep. 13th, 2004|12:42 am] |
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If I could choose one thing i hate the most... it would be DISRESPECT! I hate that... fucking just respect me, that is all i ask! Why can't men respect women? Is something wrong with you boys? Is it your penis that gets in the way of your manners? GOD! Grow Up! |
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